I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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