these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
40s are totally the cure
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
