I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
