I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
