but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Drunk is not a location!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
