This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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