I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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