dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
