would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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