Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
