He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
