I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Come on in and take your pants off
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