After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
