I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i now understand why vodka
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
