omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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