Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
