Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
