you guys were way drunker than both of me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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