im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There r osticjed everywhere
We just shotgunned beers for America
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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