I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
