well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
