ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
