oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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