My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
