i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We have started to decorate penises.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
