Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
