just tell him i said nine months
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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