He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
When are your genitals available?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
