we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Acid is not a monday night drug
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
