i just had sex bonerless
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
