I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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