I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
