He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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