Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
