We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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