I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
home. puking in laundry basket.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
