Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
