Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
