I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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