Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
