I hate your face
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
