good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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