every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
