literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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