Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
