Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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