i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
