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why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
