She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
