I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
