he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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