Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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