Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
