Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
