My first STD was from a foam party
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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