If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
