Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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