dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
