update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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