this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
