nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
