in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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