sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
