whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think my nap took me to another dimension
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
